My Postpartum Reality

I have said this before, this whole pregnancy experience has been about me learning how to let go of control. I was not able to control any aspect of the pregnancy or birth, so why should postpartum be any different.

I felt so good about getting so many things prepared so, when Calum was born, I could just focus on him. Activities for the girls were set up, meals were being delivered, housework taken care of, etc. What I did not prepare for was me not healing the way I should.

I bounced back so quickly after both girls, that I assumed all would be well this time. I did everything right during the pregnancy and had a wonderful, intervention free birth. Calum is perfectly healthy and even allowing me to get some sleep. I have essentially been on bed rest since he has been born.

I have been having some symptoms that something was just not right. When I spiked a fever last week, my midwife said it was time for me to see a doctor. Unfortunately my OB/GYN suddenly retired and left me in the situation of needing to be seen ASAP and trying to find a doctor on a Friday that would see me then. I finally found one that got me in (thanks to my line of work, I knew somebody in the office and pulled some strings). Lamar has been really worried about me and felt relieved that I was finally being seen.

Lora came over to get Nora Beth and keep her occupied while I went to the doctor. Lora got across town before I realized the pickle I was in at home. I got Calum all ready to leave the house, went out to the van and realized that I had a dead battery. There was no neighbor home to help me out, Lamar was at work and Lora was across town. She drove back to my house and picked me up and took me to my appointment. Lamar met me there so he could take care of Calum.

The doctor examined me and immediately sent me to get an ultrasound. The thought was that I had retained placenta from the birth. The whole experience was no party. Turns out that I just have an infection. No idea how I got it, but I did. I am now on a round of antibiotics to clear it up.

Lora went and got my medicine and drove me home. She even had us come over to her house for dinner since I was in no condition to even think about cooking. I do not know what I would do without her right now. She even went grocery shopping for me on Thursday since I was unable to leave the house.

I still have to take it easy until all my symptoms clear up. I feel the walls of the house closing in on me. I have spent so much time laying down and watching TV, that I am sure my brain has turned to mush. I just want to feel normal again.