It is just different this time

I have been thinking a lot lately about how different I feel postpartum with Calum than I did with each of the girls. Each experience has been so different, and each has determined how I approached motherhood with each child. I don't want to judge each experience. I firmly believe that I needed each experience to grow as a woman.

With Shianne, we were in such survival mode. So much had happened in our lives that we were just treading water to stay alive while learning what to do with this new baby. Her birth was so traumatic for me. I never allowed myself the time to check in with my emotions. I was so concerned with keeping everything together that I did not enjoy every moment like I should have. I did not know that it was supposed to be any different. We really grew up together.

With Nora Beth, I was in a really dark spot. I had some problems with postpartum depression. I kept up a good false front, but inside I was sinking into a dark hole. When I reached out for help, I felt brushed under the carpet. I felt like I was treated as "there is no way the doula could be having problems, she is supposed to know how to make it better." It did not help that Nora Beth made constant noise (read SCREAMED) for the first two years. I had this perfect little girl and yet, this dark hole was all consuming for me. I threw myself into my work. In some sick way, I felt that if I could make it better for another mom, then I could heal myself.

Now, here I am, 3 months postpartum with Calum and I am just loving the experience. It is so different. This is the way it is supposed to be. I never mind getting up with him in the middle of the night. I actually look forward to it. Smelling the top of his head is like a drug to me, I can't get enough of it. I have no depression. I do not feel guilty just spending the whole day cuddling with him. The housework and dinner can wait. I am just so filled with joy. My head is so clear. Every mom should have this experience. We got off to a rough start physically, but my mental health was so good and I was so supported by those around me that it now barely registers as a bump in the road.

I have talked quite a bit about all the letting go that I had to do with this last pregnancy. I can really see now that I had to let go of all that "baggage" so I could be open to all the receiving that I have allowed for myself. I have always been the type of person who does for others, and does not take the time to fill myself back up. Well, I am feeling really full right now, almost bursting. I really have the most amazing husband and friends. They have all been right there for me, nurturing me, being there for every thing that I need. For that, I am eternally grateful. This support has allowed me to be the best mom possible. I have no idea how I will make it up to them, except to be there for them when they need it.

Calum is now three months old. He just gets bigger each day. He is such a happy, laid back baby. He has the sweetest giggle and really recognizes the people in his daily life. He is on the verge of rolling over. Still does not sleep during the day, but is a great sleeper at night. His sisters are so good with him. Nora Beth makes sure he is constantly smothered in hugs and kisses and Shianne is great at keeping him happy. Shianne is such a big help to me.

I am more in love with my three kids each day. They are each such individuals. They amaze me by their depth and knowledge. I can get lost in each of their blue eyes. I feel grateful that I have had so much individual time with each child, the direct result of their age gap. Growing up, I had this vision of what my family would look like. I am happy to say, that my reality is so much better!

Again, I am just loving this experience. I am so in love with Calum!

My Postpartum Reality

I have said this before, this whole pregnancy experience has been about me learning how to let go of control. I was not able to control any aspect of the pregnancy or birth, so why should postpartum be any different.

I felt so good about getting so many things prepared so, when Calum was born, I could just focus on him. Activities for the girls were set up, meals were being delivered, housework taken care of, etc. What I did not prepare for was me not healing the way I should.

I bounced back so quickly after both girls, that I assumed all would be well this time. I did everything right during the pregnancy and had a wonderful, intervention free birth. Calum is perfectly healthy and even allowing me to get some sleep. I have essentially been on bed rest since he has been born.

I have been having some symptoms that something was just not right. When I spiked a fever last week, my midwife said it was time for me to see a doctor. Unfortunately my OB/GYN suddenly retired and left me in the situation of needing to be seen ASAP and trying to find a doctor on a Friday that would see me then. I finally found one that got me in (thanks to my line of work, I knew somebody in the office and pulled some strings). Lamar has been really worried about me and felt relieved that I was finally being seen.

Lora came over to get Nora Beth and keep her occupied while I went to the doctor. Lora got across town before I realized the pickle I was in at home. I got Calum all ready to leave the house, went out to the van and realized that I had a dead battery. There was no neighbor home to help me out, Lamar was at work and Lora was across town. She drove back to my house and picked me up and took me to my appointment. Lamar met me there so he could take care of Calum.

The doctor examined me and immediately sent me to get an ultrasound. The thought was that I had retained placenta from the birth. The whole experience was no party. Turns out that I just have an infection. No idea how I got it, but I did. I am now on a round of antibiotics to clear it up.

Lora went and got my medicine and drove me home. She even had us come over to her house for dinner since I was in no condition to even think about cooking. I do not know what I would do without her right now. She even went grocery shopping for me on Thursday since I was unable to leave the house.

I still have to take it easy until all my symptoms clear up. I feel the walls of the house closing in on me. I have spent so much time laying down and watching TV, that I am sure my brain has turned to mush. I just want to feel normal again.

The Birth

The Story of Calum's Birth

Cast:
Myself (Stacey, mom)
Lamar (Dad)
Shianne (Big Sister)
Nora Beth (Big Sister)
Pamela (Midwife)
Laura (Apprentice Midwife)
Amy (Doula, Friend)
Lora (Photographer, Friend)

On Tuesday afternoon I took the girls to the pool to meet with Lora and her kids. The weather was so hot and I was so uncomfortable that I was even willing to get in the pool myself. This is huge for me since I really dislike chlorinated pools. It felt so good to just float and chat. The kids played around us. It was also a good distraction for me since Lamar was already in Omaha. We headed home, made dinner and went to bed early.

I woke up around 1 AM to a very strong crampy feeling. I did not think much of it. Maybe I just over did it in the pool? I went back to sleep, but I kept waking up about every 15 minutes. By 3 AM I could no longer stand being in bed. I got up and messed around in the kitchen. I was not having contractions, just this crampy feeling and the inability to lay down. I gave Lamar a call. Remember that he is two hours ahead of me in Omaha. I knew that he would just be getting up to meet the family for breakfast. I knew that I was not in labor, but I just wanted to hear his voice. As soon as he heard me have one of the cramps, he was insistent that I call everyone over to the house. I think he heard something in my voice that I was not willing to admit.

There was no way I could be in labor. This is not how it was supposed to go. First of all, Lamar was supposed to be there. I was also going to labor at night, not in the morning. That is why I put all the candles in the bathroom. I was also not having "contractions," just this low, crampy feeling that was coming irregularly. Again, this was not going according to my plan, so there was no way that I was in labor.

I have said it before, so much of this pregnancy has been learning how to let go of control. This vision of labor was the last thing for me to let go of.

I was terrified of calling everyone over for this false labor, especially at this hour of the morning. I sent a text to Lora, but did not hear a response from her. I continued to straighten up the kitchen and fold laundry. The cramps kept coming. Lamar called back, very irritated that I had not listened to him and threatened to make the phone calls for me - he had all the numbers with him. I agreed to give Lora a call, not another text. This was his worst nightmare - me being at home alone in labor - just another stress for him on this already emotional day. For those of you who know Lamar well, you know that he does not like stress.

Lora answered the phone. I could literally hear her and Brad jump out of bed and stumble around their bedroom. Before I knew it, she was walking through my front door - still in her pj's, but camera in hand. I also gave Amy a call and she was going to rush right over. I do not remember if I gave Pamela a call or text, but she showed up with Laura shortly after Amy.

The birth team is here, minus Lamar, and I am still not convinced that this is it. Shianne hears the commotion going on and comes downstairs. She quickly realizes what is going on and does not want to be left out of the fun. Nora Beth also realized that there was something happening and wanders down the stairs - what a great way for her to wake up - a house full of people that will cater to her every whim!

I remember stepping out on the porch while everyone was on their way over. The sunrise was beautiful, the temperature just right. The sky was filling up with a rainbow of pinks and oranges. The sun would be peaking over the horizon soon. We went back into the house. I remember thinking that the neighbors were going to wake up and see all these cars in the driveway and know that something was happening. Great - more pressure on me for this false alarm of labor.

The cramps were getting more intense, but I felt like they were rather erratic. This sensation was nothing like what I had experienced with the girls. Just cramps, not the whole stomach and back contractions that I had had with the previous labors. Nothing was comfortable for me. Standing, sitting and walking were all wrong. I decided to get into the tub. Pamela and Laura had all their stuff set out and organized. I remember thinking that they were going through a lot of work, just to have to pack it all up for nothing.

At about 6:30 I got in the warm water. It felt so good. Very relaxing. So relaxing, that the cramps went away. I should have done this hours ago and saved everyone the trouble of coming over. I remember joking about this to Amy and Lora. After about a half hour, the cramps were back - with a vengeance. I felt my water break. I now admitted to myself that I was in labor. "I was having the baby and Lamar was not here!" was all I could think at that moment.

The girls kept coming into the bathroom to check on me. They were so calm and excited for what was about to happen. Nora Beth had her doll Princess Pinky to keep her calm and kept wanting Pamela to read her stories. Amy was pouring water down my back to keep me comfortable. This is what I wanted during Nora Beth's birth, it felt so good then, but this time it was different. It felt good, but not the complete relaxation that I had gotten before. Lora was busy taking pictures of everything that was happening. I was not aware of the camera's presence at all.

Pamela and Laura kept their distance - exactly what I wanted them to do. I knew that they were keeping an eye on me and that the less involved they were, the better my labor was doing. Laura checked on baby's heart tones a few times. I did not like this. It felt like I was being stabbed. All the intensity of the cramps would intensify where the Doppler was placed. It was only during those few moments that I thought that I could not do this.

I tried to relax as much as possible. What I was feeling was just so different. I tried to be mentally curious about what I was feeling. I remember thinking about what I tell parents in my classes....Be curious about the sensations...where do they start....stop.....what is your breath doing? I lost all track of time. I was in my own world. I remember chatting with everyone, but have no idea what those conversations were about.

I moved around in the tub. It is a good thing that it is so big. Nothing was really comfortable. I wanted to hold onto a rope from the ceiling, but no one would produce one for me. The cramps were so intense. They still did not feel like contractions - just intense low abdominal cramps. I remember thinking, probably out loud, that this is why people get pain medication. This was outside of my expectations, not going according to my plan and I did not know how long it was going to last.

Lora kept texting Lamar with updates. He was probably being the annoying person at the funeral who would not leave his cell phone alone. What a tough spot for him to be. Grieving with his family at a funeral while feeling the excitement of knowing that his son was about to be born.

A little after 9 AM I remember trying to bear down with the cramps. I did not have a feeling that I "had to push" but more of a curiosity of what would happen if I did this. I was not pushing hard, just grunting. I had this need to be in a more upright position, but I could not find one that I liked. I still felt like he was really high up in my pelvis. Nora Beth was sitting on the edge of the tub. She really wanted to be in the tub when her brother was born. She ended up getting out and sitting on the floor in front of me.

I got on my knees and leaned over the side of the tub and held onto Amy's hands for counter pressure. As soon as I tilted my pelvis I felt him just drop down into my pelvis. All of a sudden he was on his way out. It was so intense. I had the birthing stool placed into the tub hoping it would take the pressure off of my knees. It was not really comfortable, but nothing was. Where was that rope hanging from the ceiling that I wanted!

I felt like I was screaming with each of these cramps that were coming. Nora Beth got scared of the noises I was making, but Pam was there to calm her. I could not attend to her at this moment, I HAD to get him out of me. Lora called Lamar and put him on speaker phone so he could hear his son being born. I later learned that he was attending the Interment of his nephew at this moment. What a contradiction of life. A burial and a birth at the same time.

There was so much time between the cramps. Why couldn't they get closer together. I was motivated. I was being ripped apart. Another one came. I pushed like I never knew I could. His head was out, or so I thought. Only halfway out. How big was he going to be? The head just kept coming. It seemed unreal to reach down and feel him. I could feel him adjusting himself to get the rest of the body out. Like a floppy fish in my stomach. All of a sudden his shoulders were out and then the rest of his body. Relief! Pamela helped me bring him up. So unreal to have him in my arms. He was here. I was so happy.

I could hear Lamar on the phone worried about why he was not crying. I could tell he was OK, he just needed a moment to adjust to what he had been through. Heck, I needed a moment! It was not long until he perked right up and let us know that he had arrived. It felt so good to have him in my arms. The girls were so excited to see him here. His warm, vernix covered body was so hard to hold on to. He was so big!

The next little bit was just busy work. Pamela took him from me, Shianne cut the cord and then cuddled with him while Pamela and Laura attended to me and got me out of the tub and into bed. I had a bit of a bleeding issue again, but no where near what it was like with Nora Beth. I just wanted to get into bed and cuddle with my baby.

I finally got into bed and was able to cuddle with him. The newborn exam was done. Everyone was so surprised to find out his size. I grew a big, healthy baby.

I am so grateful to everyone who was here with me. It all worked out the way it was supposed to. I really wanted Lamar there, but I knew that he would be home tomorrow. Lora spent the rest of the day and night with me until Lamar could make it home. Amy, Pamela and Laura left. What a whirlwind of a morning.


The following is a collection of photos from the birth. It is about a 3 minute slide show. Enjoy.

He is here!

Calum Lamar Lindsay
was born on
Wednesday August 19th, 2009
9:48 AM

10 pounds 13 ounces
24.5 inches long
15 inch head

Mom and baby are doing great!

Life - the unexpected

Sunday morning started off like any other weekend day. Lamar got up early to go golfing with some friends and the girls and I were slow to start. We finally got our act together. Shianne had a day planned with some friends and Nora Beth and I were going to go see a movie together. Just as I was walking out the door, the phone rang. I chose to not answer it, for two reasons...1. we were running late and 2. I just assumed it was another "are you still pregnant" phone call. I closed the door and went about to get the girls to their activities.

I feel bad. I should have answered the phone. While sitting in the movie, my cell phone started going off (I had it on silent). Lamar text me to let me know that it was his parents who were calling when we left to let us know that Lamar's nephew Shaun had suddenly passed away. This is shocking family news. You do not expect a healthy 28 year old to have a presumed heart attack. Shaun was Lamar's only nephew, the only child of Lamar's older brother Andrew.

After much deliberation last night, we came to the conclusion that Lamar needed to fly out to Omaha for the services. The service is to be held on Wednesday. Lamar leaves on Tuesday morning and comes back on Thursday afternoon. This is risky, remember I am over 41 weeks pregnant. This was a tough decision. The way this pregnancy has gone, I will still be pregnant in two weeks!

Of course, I do not want Lamar to miss the birth. I also know how important it is to be with family in times of need. Lamar has such a small immediate family, that to miss this would be unimaginable to him. So to Omaha he goes. My mantra has changed from "baby come OUT" to "baby PLEASE stay IN!"

We have talked about what would happen if baby was to come while he is gone. Lamar has serious concerns about leaving me alone right now. What would happen if labor began in the middle of the night with no other adult here? I assured him that I have amazing care and some friends that I know will be right here for me to help out until he comes home. It will all work out and I am feeling very comfortable with the decision. Let me rephrase that. I am not really comfortable with the decision, but there is no right answer and to worry just creates more stress for me, thus forcing me into being comfortable. It is all part of letting go of control. We discussed inducing me last night or today, but that is just not an option that I really want to do. It is better for baby and me to just let nature run its course. I am just going to take it easy and hope that labor does not happen until later in the week.

Overdue

That one little word seems to define so much in my life lately. The world seems to be so obsessed with this word and it's implications. This word just overwhelms me right now. Let me clarify that, the word itself does not overwhelm me, it is the reaction to it. I have no problem with the fact that I have passed my due date. I firmly believe that baby will come when he is ready and that rushing it is not beneficial for either of us. A "due date" is not a magic number, like a timer that goes off when baking a cake. It is just an estimation, a window of time. Most pregnancies are closer to 42 weeks long.

I have gone into hiding mode. I know that I am not answering the phone or e-mails right now. The phone rings constantly. I know that everyone is excited to hear baby news, but we will announce when he arrives. No news, means he is not here yet. Lamar was just home for a few days and now understands what I have been telling him for the past few weeks. There is no break from the constant phone calls.

I am spending my days sleeping and playing with the girls. We have been having lots of fun with games, tea parties and crafts. We even did some school shopping for Shianne. Everything is ready for baby.

I know that everyone means well. Please know that I am very well taken care of. I have some friends who are great support and are showering me with meals, laughter and cake! Check back and we will let you know all the baby info as soon as we do.

In Hot Water!

A few months ago the instant hot water heater under my kitchen sink died. I was very sad about it, since I use it every day for my tea. I know that it is not difficult to heat water in the microwave or on the stove - but both of those take time and I like the instant gratification of near boiling water. I don't even own a tea kettle. I know that I am always advocating for "green" stuff here in the house, but sometimes, the "I wants" get the best of me.

I searched for a new heater that would be compatible with our sink and I finally found one. Lamar got it for me last week. Even he is spoiled by the convenience of the hot water. Some of you may remember how we came to have the original instant hot water. When I was about seven months pregnant with Nora Beth, Lamar decided to clean the fish tank in the kitchen sink. Some rocks fell down into the garbage disposal and I turned the disposal on, not knowing what he had done. We suddenly had the need for a new garbage disposal. I figured that while installing the new disposal I would treat myself to the hot water that I had been wanting. It was quite the experience installing the disposer and heater on my own while seven months pregnant. You would think that I learned my lesson.

Obviously, I did not! Today I dismantled the old unit and installed the new one. This was much more difficult at 9 months pregnant. I am sure I was quite the sight, pregnant belly and legs hanging out from under the sink. Once I got on my back, it was next to impossible to move and took me much longer to accomplish than if I had been more able bodied.

I am happy to say, that all is in working order and I now have my hot water back. Can't wait for the first cup of tea.

Manic Monday

What is it about Monday's lately? Last Monday we had a labor warm up, but nothing happened. The week continued without incident. Now last night we started to simmer again. Well, maybe a low boil. I made the necessary phone calls to my support team, took a bath, took a moonlit walk with Lamar and I am sure, said some bad words. I was so tired so I decided to rest. The contractions were so intense. I eventually dozed off and woke up PREGNANT!!!

It was a long night for me. I am really tired and sore today. The girls and I are going to walk the new walking bridge across the river today. I also plan to nap a lot today. Lamar has informed me that he does not want to go to work tomorrow. I will see what I can do to help him out with that one!

I am more than huge!

It seems like everyday I have someone make a comment about how "huge" I am. What is it about pregnancy that people lose all social politeness and feel that it is OK to comment on a woman's size? Yes, I am aware that it looks like I am smuggling a watermelon out of the grocery store. Yes, I am aware that none of my clothes fit.

Why can't we live in a society that sees the amazing gift of life that is growing in my belly? Why can't you comment on the joy that I am carrying, the glow of my skin, the amazing experience I am a part of?

"You are about to pop!" "You must be ready to explode?" When was the last time you saw a person explode? This is something that would never be said to a man with a large "beer belly." I have seen "beer bellies" that are larger than my baby bump!

Instead of concentrating on the healthy child that is growing within me, I hear comments on how big I am. I honestly feel honored that my body knows what it is doing. It knows exactly how to grow this baby and how to get it here. My body is not going to grow a baby that it cannot get out. I do not need to change my birth plan because you think that the baby is "to big." What is "to big?" My stomach measures exactly where it is supposed to be at this point of pregnancy. I have amazing prenatal care. Don't you think that if there was any concern, we would immediately address it? I actually weigh less with this pregnancy than I did with the previous two.

I am going to enjoy these last few days I have until I meet my little boy. I am going to embrace the beautiful belly. I am growing life within me. This is my last time to enjoy this and I have no desire to rush through it.

More Pregnancy Photos

Today turned out to be a great day. I felt so pampered by my friends. Amy came over and brought me lunch and some yummy chai tea. She also used the rebozo on me to help get the baby into a better position. It felt so good to have it done to me. Lora then arrived to take more maternity pictures of me. These are just a sampling. It was also a great way for her to experiment with the light in our house for taking birth and baby pictures. Later in the afternoon, Eryca showed up to help me with a computer program. It was so great to chat with everyone.

I now have nothing on my schedule for the next two months. It feels so weird to have such free time. I know that my days will be completely occupied soon, so I am going to try to enjoy this.

Still Pregnant

From the title that is all the baby information that I have for you. I am STILL pregnant. I feel very done. We are expecting him to make his appearance any day now, but we know that I could still be pregnant in two weeks - although we really doubt it. We thought that baby was going to make his appearance on Monday night, but he changed his mind. He did work his way farther down into my pelvis. I know that every day he stays in me he is growing bigger and stronger, so I don't want to rush his arrival.

Lamar has been great through all this. I know that I have been tired and cranky lately. The 100+ degree weather we are having right now does not help. Lamar has made it very clear that I am to just take it easy and enjoy these last few days. I am trying to do that.

Everything is ready for his arrival. We are still planning the home birth. My doula checks in with me every day to let me know where she is. That makes me smile. I know that Lora has her photography bag packed and is ready to run out the door when I call. My midwife is also only a phone call away.

We have been talking to the girls about how things will change when their brother arrives. Shianne remembers Nora Beth being born, so this is just a refresher for her. I am not sure that Nora Beth really understands how her world is about to change. I am worried on how she will react when he arrives. We will just have to wait and see how things are.

A Week With Mommy

On Tuesday, Lamar, Nora Beth and I dropped Shianne off at 4-H camp. She was so excited for this camp. She is not that far away from home, only 4 miles, but it was to be a week with friends and fun activities. This is the first time she has gone to this camp.

After we dropped her off, the three of us headed to Portland. We wanted to spend the day doing my errand "to do" list. Nothing was overly important, but it was all things I wanted to get done before the little one arrives and I would not have a chance to do them for a couple of months. It was a great day. Nora Beth did perfect and earned some ice cream. I was even able to fit in a much needed haircut.

Lamar had to go back to work on Wednesday, so this has left Nora Beth and I home together. On Thursday morning I surprised Nora Beth with a trip to a local park that has a new water pad for the kids to play on. She had so much fun splashing in the water and chasing the ever moving water. We then went out for lunch together.


We have spent the rest of the week playing around the house. Nora has splashed quite a bit in her pool, we have played games, read lots of stories and cuddled for some great naps. Shianne comes home tomorrow, just in time for the big "Baby BBQ" that our friends are throwing for us. Should be a great time and our last big social event before the little one arrives.

Nesting?

It is said that women feel this urge to "nest" when they are about to have a baby. This urge has completely skipped me so far. The only nest I feel like building is the one in my bed. I could spend the whole day in bed right now. I just need sleep. I get up at about 6 AM, go back to sleep at about 7:30 AM, wake up again around 10, attempt to get something done, nap from 1 to 4 and then go back to bed around 8 or 9. Growing a baby is exhausting! I am not getting much done!

I might feel more motivated if this baby was in a better position. He just does not want to stay in a position that is comfortable. There is really no comfortable position for me. Standing, sitting or lying down - nothing is good. He is still very active, but definitely running out of room. He is also getting much stronger.

When I was pregnant with Nora Beth I was getting massages every week and I also had a house cleaner. This time it is different. I do have the house cleaner coming in about 10 days to do a deep clean for me and I do have 2 pedicures scheduled in the next 3 weeks, but that is about all the pampering I am getting this time. I am not complaining, but I definitely feel the difference in not getting the massages this time!

I do have his room all put together. Not much of anything that we really need, except I do need to order cloth diapers still. I will do that next week. There are other projects around the house that need to get done, but I have no desire to do them. I really just want to hire someone to nest for me!

Pregnancy Photos!

This pregnancy is going by so fast. I am in the final month now. Our little guy will be here soon. Today is the last day that Lamar and I have off together without other plans so we are going to spend the day doing baby stuff. We are going to register for baby stuff today. I have been very reluctant to do this. We are so fortunate and really do not need anything outside of a few baby basics, but there has been an overwhelming request for us to go do this.

I am feeling good. Baby is so active, my most active child so far. He has been very happy to be in a breech position, either Frank breech (butt down, legs up), or transverse (laying across my belly). Both are very uncomfortable for me. I have felt like I have a bowling ball resting in my pelvis. So much discomfort in my lower back. No position is comfortable. I am also carrying this baby so low.

For my birthday, baby gave me the best present of all. He moved!! After crawling into bed he had this episode of extreme movement. Lamar and I were just in amazement of what he was doing. I eventually fell asleep and when I woke up I had a butt and feet in my ribs. He finally went head down!! Do the happy dance. I was suddenly so much more comfortable. Lets hope he stays this way. He has moved a few times in the past two days, but he goes back head down after a few hours. I will stay on top of this situation.

I am really tired. I remember having so much more energy with the girls. Maybe because I am older this time or I just have more things on my plate. I am waiting for that nesting urge to kick in, maybe I will have energy then. I could literally spend the whole day sleeping right now - in fact, some days I do. I just got out of bed an hour ago and I am already looking forward to my morning nap.

I am ravenously hungry for hamburgers and fresh fruit. I think I am eating half a watermelon a day now. They taste so good to me. Berries are just coming on this week, so I am sure that I will be buying those on a daily basis also.

I went and did some maternity photos with Lora last week. Here is the sampling, as promised. I can't wait to see the rest. We went up to her family cabin in the woods. It is a beautiful setting with trees, open space and a river.


Here I am sitting next to the old wood shed.



There was a patch of clover next to where I was sitting. I plucked one leaf since it had a heart shape.


We climbed down the rocks to the river. The girls had so much fun doing this.



Lora got me to laughing and quickly snapped this one. I just love it.



This one makes my belly look HUGE! Well, I have to admit... IT IS! But I do not have a double chin in the picture, so it is a winner..LOL!

I think she knows something....

I think she knows something is going on. Ever since I found out that I was pregnant, Jibby has been following me around the house and must be by me at all times. When I lay down, she must be by my side, or even better, perched on my stomach.

This is uncharacteristic of Jibby. This is Shianne's cat. I have been happy for the past 6 years to have a non-existent relationship with Jibby. I am not a fan of cats, I much prefer the big dogs. I tolerate Jibby just because Shianne loves her so much.

These days "The Jib" has become my sidekick - literally. I wake up in the middle of the night to find Jibby perched on my stomach. I kick her off the bed, only to find her return within minutes. It is like she is sitting on her own litter. She is protective of my stomach. She knows that there is something going on there. I am sure she is convinced that I am gestating "her baby." It is amazing how perceptive animals can be. I am just happy that I am down to single digits in weeks before this little one makes it's appearance and Jibby can reclaim her throne in Shianne's room.

Baby News

Here is the much awaited for "belly shot." Baby is growing right on schedule. I am about 27 weeks right now. I just met with my midwife yesterday for our monthly appointment and all looks perfect. The migraines are not completely gone, but they are so much better. I feel really good. My biggest complaint is the pregnancy induced carpal tunnel syndrome. I had this with both girls, so it was no surprise when it showed up again. It is really not that bad, so I really do not have much to complain about. I don't have much of an appetite, but I am really looking forward to our trip to Hawaii in two weeks so I can have an unlimited supply of pineapple.

Baby moves A LOT! This is such an active little one. It moves all the time. It makes me exhausted! Very different from both girls, who might I add, were very different from each other. I could tell personality traits with both girls. Shianne was playful and Nora Beth only moved when she felt like it - much like who they are today. This one, I have no idea. I have a strong feeling on gender, but I am not putting it out there for everyone.

Most importantly, all is going well. I feel good and I am just trying to enjoy every part of this pregnancy.

Baby Room Reveal

I have been working hard for the past two weeks to paint the baby's room. Since we do not know the gender, we needed to do something neutral, but I had no desire for a yellow room or anything with a solid color. I found some crib sheets that served as my inspiration and the room was born. I love how it turned out. I still need to make curtains and a chair cover, but that is not as pressing as getting the paint on the walls. Getting all those chocolate dots painted was definitely a labor of love.

It was hard for me to paint this room. This room was previously Lamar's office. I had spent many hours doing a faux leather technique on the walls for him to create the "man cave" he did not know he wanted. It was a surprise for him that I did while he was away for a long weekend with friends. It took two coats of primer to cover the dark paint. I then painted the cream stripe, taped off clean lines and then did the colors. It took three coats of each color to get the right coverage. I then painted the dots. I created a stencil and painted away. The dots also took three coats to get the right color. Very tedious, but worth it.

I am feeling good. The migraines are not gone, but getting better. My stomach is growing at a record pace. Baby is very active. Lamar was actually able to feel it move last night for the first time. The girls have been feeling it for weeks. I am about 24 weeks right now. Baby will be here before we know it. I have two more births to attend in the next two weeks and then I will be officially on "maternity leave." I plan on playing with the girls, going to Hawaii with Lamar and finishing some projects around the house. I do have some things that we need to get for baby, mainly diapers and a new crib mattress. I will concentrate on that when we get back from Hawaii. I will get a belly shot posted soon.

It's a.....

We went to our ultrasound on Friday and were able to finally see the baby. Nora Beth was fascinated by the baby. The tech even gave Nora Beth her own copy of a picture so she can keep it in her room. The baby definitely resembles Lamar - bald and a belly!!!LOL! Baby let us see all the important parts and we are happy to announce that we are having a ..... healthy baby!

Baby stuff

OK - I really do not have any baby info to report, except that the little one is growing on schedule. Here is a belly shot for proof!

Universe, what is my lesson?

Universe, I know that you are always there to teach us something new. Something that we need to learn. What message are you trying to send me with these migraines. Do I need to slow down? Do I need to take better care of myself? Do the girls and Lamar need to learn to be self sufficient? What is my lesson?

The pounding in my head is getting really old. I am ready to accept whatever I have to learn. I am miserable with these migraines. My family is miserable. I have no true relief. I am just riding the roller coaster, and it is not a fun ride. Nora Beth is associating my not feeling well as the baby's fault. It is NOT the baby's fault. The last thing I want is for her to develop a negative connotation for the baby. Her adjustment is going to be hard enough as it is.

Universe, I am ready to feel better. I am ready to absorb my lesson. I am ready to no longer be at the mercy of the acupuncturists schedule. I am ready to feel good again. I want to enjoy every moment of this pregnancy. I want the pounding to STOP!