Mom

Today is my mother's birthday.  She would have been 64 today.  She is someone that I think about often, but yet, do not know much about.  I was only 8 when she passed.  I have a few memories.  I have heard some stories growing up, but yet, I really do not know who she really was.  I have had so many more years without her, than I ever had with her.  What were her thoughts?  Dreams?  Wishes?  Plans?

As a mother myself, I cannot imagine not being there for my children as they grow up.  With everything I have had happen health wise over the past few months, this is a thought that has come up.  What would my children remember about me?  What would they pass on to their children?  What would they treasure?

I have so few things that my mother ever touched.  I don't even have a photograph with the two of us.  I do have her hands.  They are also my grandmother's hands and my great-grandmother's hands.  I did not pass these hands on to my daughters.

I am making a commitment to having more pictures with me and my children.  Since I am the one who is always behind the camera I will have to enlist the help of others.  I hope to post these here, for you to see and for my children to treasure.

What is the party for?

I was feeling the culinary motivation today and decided to get busy in the kitchen.  I got the idea to make Butternut Squash Ravioli .  Nora Beth helped me each step of the way.  First we roasted the squash.

Then made up the filling.  The recipe called for cinnamon, allspice and nutmeg.  Next time I will make this more savory with sage and thyme.  The filling tasted more like pumpkin pie than I was looking for.

Using won ton wrappers was an easy alternative to using ravioli sheets.  I would prefer the sheets, but until a holiday fairy brings me the pasta maker I want, I have to use the easy out.  The won ton wrappers make a much thinner ravioli and the flavor is not exactly the same.

I then made a sage butter sauce to go over the top.

To finish off the meal, Nora Beth and I made orange cupcakes.  She was so excited to lick the beaters after I made the frosting.  She even helped me zest the orange for extra flavor.

So what does the the family say about my extra effort for dinner tonight?  Why are we having a party? and Who is coming over?  Can't I just make a nice dinner on a random Wednesday night!

Princess Nora Beth

Today was the type of day that Nora Beth dreams of!  She woke up and took a long bubble bath and then got to go to the hair salon for a morning of pampering with the Princesses from the Miss Marion Polk Pageant.  This was a fundraiser, and a great one at that!  Nora Beth got her hair done, nails painted, a tiara, sash, pictures, cupcakes and a goodie bag!  It was so cute to watch all the little girls.

Nora Beth was so excited to be dressed as a Princess that she refused to wear the customary Vikings clothing today.  She pranced around our party like the princess that she is, stealing the hearts of everyone in attendance.  Unfortunately the Vikings could not pull off a win and Lamar is stuck watching the Super Bowl from our living room and not in Miami.

ROFLMAO

I am a reader of many blogs, but there is only about 4 that I check in on on a daily basis.  That is until today.  Today there are 5.

I heard about this man in England who tends to say random stuff in his sleep.  His wife found his randomness amusing and, like a good wife, she started blogging about it.  Well, her blog has to be one of my new favorite sites.  I was reading it this morning and I was laughing so hard I literally had tears streaming from my eyes.  Now, I admit that I am not quite with it this morning after a sleepless night.  Yes, everyone in my house slept perfectly last night, except me.  Just when I felt tired, Lamar and Calum woke up.  This site made the morning bearable for me.

A disclaimer, do not read if you are offended by swear words, like lentils or are a vegetarian, other than that, please join me  ROFLMAO!

Sleep Talkin' Man

5 Months

Time is flying by.  Calum is 5 months old today.  He is still the same happy baby that brings me so much delight.  He is determined to be a big boy way before I am ready for him to be.  I am still absolutely ga-ga over him.  I shower him with kisses and loves everyday and he rewards me with his perfect giggle.  Five months has gone by way to fast!

Rollercoaster

The past few days have been such a roller coaster for me.  I did not let people know what was really going on.

It started innocently on Tuesday.  I went to the doctor for my annual exam, that lovely test that women are subjected to each year.  I mentioned something in passing and that is where the can of worms EXPLODED!  It is no secret that I have had more than my fair share of migraines since I found out I was pregnant with Calum.  I was hoping they would end after he was born, but they have continued.  Only, there has been a change with them and I am now getting numbness on one side of my face/body with the migraine.  This has gone on for the past month.  Yes, I know I probably shoud have gone to the hospital when it happend, I have been told that by many medical providers over the past 72 hours.  I think the biggest part of my not seeking help is the fact that I am blissfully in denial of my genetic predisposition to strokes.  If I don't think about, then it does not exist.  My head is in the sand.

I am sent over to my family doctor who is extremely alarmed, immediately consults with a neurologist and the next thing I know, I am being admitted to the hospital for even more tests.  The medical community was in consesus that I was experiencing some sort of mini aneurism.  The view of the sand is so much better than this view!  At this point Lamar is in panic mode and is barely holding himself together.  I am sure he would have fallen apart if he was not busy trying to occupy Calum and Nora Beth.

I am sent in for a MRI.  Not much was being explained to me.  Before I knew it, I was inside the machine.  It sounded like a jack hammer was pounding next to my head.  If I did not have a headache before, I certainly was going to have one now.  Halfway through the procedure I am partially removed from the machine, strapped down and some sort of fluid is being injected into me.  No one mentioned this part to me.  It hurt so bad, the nurse blew through my vein and did not get the fluid in the right spot, so my other arm was being injected.  Again, no one was telling me what was happening.  My arm felt like it was being cut of and then I went back in the machine to even more pounding sounds.

After what seemed like an eternity, the MRI was finally over.  I expressed my displeasure to the nurse, but she really did not seem to care.  I asked what she gave me and only said that it was necessary for the MRI.  I felt so disorientated, like when you get off of a really great roller coaster.  I know that I was looking straight ahead, but it felt like my brain was at a 45 degree angle in my head.  Everything was a little off.  I had enough sence left in me to ask again what it was that I was given.  I needed to go feed Calum and I wanted to make sure nothing bad would get to him.  The nurse then looked at me in a paniced face and said "you are nursing?'  DUH!  That is what the bright yellow paper was in the front of her chart that I signed before the procedure.  In fact, I was nursing him while I was waiting to be taken into the MRI room.

Turns out, what I was given is not good for breastfeeding.  I could not nurse Calum for 24 hours.  These 24 hours did not go well.  He knows where his food comes from.  He has taken bottles before, but never from me.  He kept looking at me as if he did not understand why I was withholding him from the fresh source.  He screamed for 24 hours.  I also shed some tears.  It was a long, torturous 24 hours.  Fortunately I had frozen milk, a direct result of my over supply and the fact that I have been saving milk to donate to a sick adopted baby.  I don't know what I would have done if I did not have a back up supply in the freezer.

I was finally able to nurse him this evening.  He was so happy.  He went to bed with a smile on his face.  That made my heart melt.

As for the test results.  Good news.  My brain is perfect.  No stroke, no tumor, but no answer on why my body is going numb.  There are still more tests in my future, but the really scary stuff has been ruled out.  I am not sure how many more tests I can handle at this point.  I have already been poked, proded, scanned and invaded more that I care for.  This was not a fun ride.

11 years!

Eleven years ago today I first held you in my arms.  You were as new to me as I to you.  I was so scared.  You were so perfect, exactly as I had imagined.  We quickly figured each other out.  You grew so quickly and here you are today, 11 years old.  Still my perfect little girl.  I am amazed by you each day and I honestly feel blessed to have you here everyday.  I love you Shianne.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

The end and the beginning

At this time of year people always get retrospective on the past year and set goals for the upcoming year.  I see it differently.  I love where I am right now.  This past year has been great and I want this new year to seamlessly continue the same way.  My gift to myself will be to enjoy each moment, slow down and take deep breaths and take the time to soak up all the love around me.