Rollercoaster

The past few days have been such a roller coaster for me.  I did not let people know what was really going on.

It started innocently on Tuesday.  I went to the doctor for my annual exam, that lovely test that women are subjected to each year.  I mentioned something in passing and that is where the can of worms EXPLODED!  It is no secret that I have had more than my fair share of migraines since I found out I was pregnant with Calum.  I was hoping they would end after he was born, but they have continued.  Only, there has been a change with them and I am now getting numbness on one side of my face/body with the migraine.  This has gone on for the past month.  Yes, I know I probably shoud have gone to the hospital when it happend, I have been told that by many medical providers over the past 72 hours.  I think the biggest part of my not seeking help is the fact that I am blissfully in denial of my genetic predisposition to strokes.  If I don't think about, then it does not exist.  My head is in the sand.

I am sent over to my family doctor who is extremely alarmed, immediately consults with a neurologist and the next thing I know, I am being admitted to the hospital for even more tests.  The medical community was in consesus that I was experiencing some sort of mini aneurism.  The view of the sand is so much better than this view!  At this point Lamar is in panic mode and is barely holding himself together.  I am sure he would have fallen apart if he was not busy trying to occupy Calum and Nora Beth.

I am sent in for a MRI.  Not much was being explained to me.  Before I knew it, I was inside the machine.  It sounded like a jack hammer was pounding next to my head.  If I did not have a headache before, I certainly was going to have one now.  Halfway through the procedure I am partially removed from the machine, strapped down and some sort of fluid is being injected into me.  No one mentioned this part to me.  It hurt so bad, the nurse blew through my vein and did not get the fluid in the right spot, so my other arm was being injected.  Again, no one was telling me what was happening.  My arm felt like it was being cut of and then I went back in the machine to even more pounding sounds.

After what seemed like an eternity, the MRI was finally over.  I expressed my displeasure to the nurse, but she really did not seem to care.  I asked what she gave me and only said that it was necessary for the MRI.  I felt so disorientated, like when you get off of a really great roller coaster.  I know that I was looking straight ahead, but it felt like my brain was at a 45 degree angle in my head.  Everything was a little off.  I had enough sence left in me to ask again what it was that I was given.  I needed to go feed Calum and I wanted to make sure nothing bad would get to him.  The nurse then looked at me in a paniced face and said "you are nursing?'  DUH!  That is what the bright yellow paper was in the front of her chart that I signed before the procedure.  In fact, I was nursing him while I was waiting to be taken into the MRI room.

Turns out, what I was given is not good for breastfeeding.  I could not nurse Calum for 24 hours.  These 24 hours did not go well.  He knows where his food comes from.  He has taken bottles before, but never from me.  He kept looking at me as if he did not understand why I was withholding him from the fresh source.  He screamed for 24 hours.  I also shed some tears.  It was a long, torturous 24 hours.  Fortunately I had frozen milk, a direct result of my over supply and the fact that I have been saving milk to donate to a sick adopted baby.  I don't know what I would have done if I did not have a back up supply in the freezer.

I was finally able to nurse him this evening.  He was so happy.  He went to bed with a smile on his face.  That made my heart melt.

As for the test results.  Good news.  My brain is perfect.  No stroke, no tumor, but no answer on why my body is going numb.  There are still more tests in my future, but the really scary stuff has been ruled out.  I am not sure how many more tests I can handle at this point.  I have already been poked, proded, scanned and invaded more that I care for.  This was not a fun ride.