20/20

I am one week out from having Lasik and each day gets better.  I am still having to put in eye drops on an hourly basis, but I am quickly getting over my fear of eye drops.  I went for my one-week check up and I now have 20/20 vision...WOO HOO!!  Some expensive sunglasses are within my reach now!

I still can't taste.  Bummer.  I can taste extreme salt, so Lamar and I celebrated by drinking margaritas.  Very appropriate  :)

Tonsilectomy...3 Weeks Later

I just got home from my post-op appointment with the doctor.  My throat is feeling much better and healing well.  Still a little sore, but I no longer need any pain meds.  My biggest problem is the loss of taste.  I said that wrong, a loss of taste would be great compared to what I have.  Everything I put in my mouth tastes like a combination of vomit and the sensation of chewing on tin foil.  EVERYTHING tastes like this...even water.  I did not notice it at first since I was in so much pain, but now I cannot get away from this taste.  The doctor said this is a rare side effect and it is caused from nerve damage to my tongue while they were compressing the tongue for the surgery.  What really upsets me is that he told me that it will be 3 to 9 months before the damage heals itself and I can taste like normal again.  I did not even know this could be a side effect!  I am trying to force food down but it is really hard.  I have already lost about 25lbs.  While this does not upset me, it is to much weight to lose in 3 weeks.  I can only imagine how much it will be at the 3 month mark. I am having problems with being lightheaded and no energy due to the lack of food. I also have no desire to cook since I can't taste any of the food.  This is hard since I enjoy cooking so much.  This is not a good combination for my family.  I feel like they will have a bunch of slacker meals over the next few months...sorry  :(

For Mikey...

I have been quiet on this blog for quite some time.  There have been many reasons for this.  Many of you who know me in real life know the real reasons.  You know what has been going on.  You have been here for the laughs and tears.  You don't need this blog to find out what I am up to.  I have thought of writing posts many times over the past few months, but they just never made it.  Today I am motivated. 

The food blogging world is a tight knit community.  There are many blogs that I follow.  It is as if I invite these bloggers into my kitchen each day.  I get so much inspiration from reading about their food.  I become invested in what they write.  When something happens it ripples through the blogging community quickly.  Jennie from In Jennie's Kitchen suddenly lost her husband last week.  A sudden heart attack.  One minute everything is fine, the next, everything is changed.  In order to show support for Jennie, I made her Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie that was a favorite of her husband.

The point of all this is to draw attention to the ones we love.  Friday was an extremely busy day for me, yet I still found time to make this pie for my family.  Lamar really enjoyed it.  He liked the fact that I took the time to show some extra love.  I served it with a big hug and "I Love You."  The pie was extremely rich, so we only ate a small amount of it.  On Saturday we headed to the Cabin where I shared the rest of the pie with friends, thus spreading the love. 

You never know what happens tomorrow.  All you can do is love the people who are important to you today...and make them a pie.

I Cheated...Again!

I have talked about this before.  Every time I go to look at a new house something in our house breaks.  It all happened so innocently.  I agreed to help Eryca out and give her my opinion on a house that she had been stalking.  I went, I looked, I did not like.  End of story.  I did not cheat on MY house, I just helped her cheat on hers.  Like clockwork, our fridge broke.  I looked into having it repaired, but once we factored in the age of the fridge, what we initially paid for it, the cost of the repair and what a new one would cost, it was a no brainer to purchase a new one...a painful no brainer.

I tried to redeem myself by telling Lamar that it was not my cheating that caused the fridge to break, but rather the fridge was jealous of the new bed we had just purchased the previous week.  He did not believe it and blamed the whole inconvenience on my cheating and not the new bed.  Speaking of the new bed...we are so happy with it, we should have purchased it years ago!

I went with a black fridge instead of the popular stainless look.  I have a strong dislike for stainless for one reason only...FINGERPRINTS!  It looks so much better in our kitchen than the old one.  So it looks like I was rewarded for my cheating ways!  It is a good thing that Eryca placed an offer on a house today...no more cheating for me in the near future...I don't think Lamar can take any more!

Words Cannot Describe...

The past few days I have been in a real funk.  A roller coaster of emotions.  I have been heartbroken, angry, disappointed, upset, furious, sad and lonely.  I have been so upset that I have not even been able to get the words out. 

I normally just try to bury my feelings, but this time was different.  I needed to get this out.  I needed to process what was happening and how I was feeling.  I was going to do myself no favors if I did not acknowledge what was upsetting me.  I wish I could blame it on one event, but it was a culmination of things building up that just came to a breaking point.  I had had enough.  It was time to express what I was feeling.

I woke up today thinking that it was time to move on.  Time to be in a good mood.  Really, I was just exhausted from the emotions of the previous days but I was not upset.  Tomorrow will be even better.

For the month of November I posted daily on my Facebook status what I was thankful for.  I have so many things to be thankful for.  I really do have a great life.  I do not have the time to be this upset for any length of time.  I need to embrace all the smiles I have in my daily life.

I am happy to say that I spent the day decorating the house for the Holidays and cooking in my kitchen.  The house is looking great and it smells wonderful.  Both of these things help make me feel better.  I think a big bowl of buttered popcorn and a movie with the family will be on the agenda tonight.

Scot is HOME

I spoke of this story about a year ago on my blog about Scot Noss, the son of a family friend who was seriously injured while serving in Afghanistan.  I am happy to announce that yesterday, Veteran's Day, Scot and his wife RyAnne received the keys to their new house.  This house was specially built for Scot and donated by Homes For Our Troops.  This is such a relief and gift for his family.  Scot is now able to be home with his wife.

Of course there was a full ceremony and news coverage.  I was happy to find the link last night from the local news.  The house looks beautiful and just what Scot and RyAnne need.

I know that I have several Alabama readers to this blog.  Please check out the local businesses that helped make this possible.  When you support them, they are able to help make this type of fantastic donation.

A Simple Holiday

I went into Costco last week and I was overwhelmed with the amount of Christmas stuff already out.  It was not even Halloween yet!!  It seems like the real meaning of the Holiday has been completely lost to a society created need for consumerism.  I was facing a whole section of the store that was filled with just crap.  Where is the quality?  Where is the necessity?  Where is the actual thought in gift giving?

This started a whole conversation with Lamar.  We have been on a mission to simplify our lives lately.  We feel so fortunate for everything we have.  Our kids have more than they really need.  It is overwhelming the amount of stuff that piles up.

We have come to the conclusion that we are not going to have a consumer driven Holiday.  We want a simple event filled with love and laughter.  No stress of shopping or shipping.  We want to show our children what the Holiday is really about. What we would really enjoy is a great phone call or visit from the ones we love.  This is where we ask you, our family to help us out.  I do not want to appear ungrateful in any way.  We really see this as a way to make everything simpler and more enjoyable. 

To start off the Holiday season I am taking the kids to Iowa for Thanksgiving.  We hope to fill the family up with many warm fuzzies.  Lamar wants to make the trip with us, but the schedule just does not allow for it.  We will have some family time with him when we return to Oregon and a great meal with friends.

We are on a mission to make the most of the Holidays this year!

What I Need

I am feeling drained.  Easily distracted.  Tired...emotionally and physically.  I NEED a day off.  A whole day on my terms.  What would this ideal day look like.  I would get up early and drive to Breitenbush and go for a trail run.  Then I would soak in the warm pools.  I would get a 90 minute massage and enjoy lunch.  There will be more time soaking and maybe even a yoga class.  A nap in the sanctuary sounds divine to me.  I would take my knitting.  I really don't want to be social.  Just quiet time with myself.  The afternoon would end with time in the medicine wheel tubs.  After a quiet drive home I would enjoy the evening with my family, refreshed and happy.

Taking Applications

I am taking applications for an assistant.

The qualified person must be able to:
Go to bed late
Get up early
Get three kids up, fed, dressed and two off to school
Do same with husband
Must do laundry, dishes, floors and meals daily
Must run errands and answer never ending phone calls
Must be on call at all times
Must not expect a salary

Qualified person must start immediately so I can go back to bed with my box of Kleenex.

A Hug

I spent the day with my family today at the State Fair.  The kids were so excited to go around and see the rides, eat the food and pet the animals.  As parents, we just followed along while stuffing them with gastro-intestinal disasters while hoping to catch something interesting ourselves while they were momentarily occupied.

I was not expecting to see anyone that I knew.  Well, Salem is a small town, so I knew that I would see lots of people that I knew.  What I am talking about is someone who has really known me since I was a child, even from before I was born.  I don't have many people that can say that about me.  One little tap on the shoulder and I was greeted with a big hug from someone who KNOWS ME, knows my story, loves me.  A hug that I did not realize that I needed so much.  I was flooded with warm memories of a family I once had.  It felt so good to me to be in their presence.  To introduce them to my children.  Children that they knew existed, but did not know how to find me or if I even wanted to be found.

Shianne asked "Who was that?" when we walked away.  How do I explain this to her?  I realized in that moment that there is a whole part of my life that my children do not know.  They have no idea the people who are in my past.  The stories I can tell or that can be told about me.  I always think it is just easier to block out my story.  Easier for me and not fair to them.  It is often just to painful to tell them that they do have a family and why they have not met.  It is truly sad to know the disastrous condition that my family is in.  I could not even bring myself to tell the truth today.  But with that hug, I knew that I was loved.  I did not have to say anything, the truth was known.

We parted ways and I know that I will see them again in the near future.  This makes me really happy.  More hugs are to come.

One Year

A year ago today we met for the first time, face to face.  I had already known you for many months as you grew inside my body.  I felt your movements.  I learned what you liked and did not like.  I dreamed about you.  I was so excited to meet you for the first time.  You were everything that I imagined and then even more.  I was so in love with you from the first moment I held you in my arms.  Your sweet little, chubby body.

This past year has been so wonderful...getting to know you.  You are such a sweet baby.  Always there to cuddle with.  Always ready to giggle.  I just can't get enough of you.  I have been on such a high since you have been born.  I have a hard time expressing just how happy you make me.  Our souls were meant to come together.

This past year has been filled with so much joy.  You seem to make everyone around you smile.  Your sweet little smile just makes me melt.  I now have a hard time remembering life without you.

Calum...I love you!

Bamboletta Play Date

I had a Bamboletta come for a play date today.  I was so excited that my friend Julie brought her over to me.  She is even more delicious in real life.  I MUST HAVE ONE OF THESE DOLLS!!

She had breakfast with us.

Then played the piano.

We had a tea party on the deck.

She went down the slide.

And even played on the swings while wearing her Zozo outfit!

Bamboletta

 

I have never been into dolls.  They were just never my thing.  Shianne is much like me.  Dolls never did it for her either.  Well, except for Baby Alex, whom she found while playing at Grandma's house.  Shianne always kept Baby Alex in perfect condition.  Along came Nora Beth and Shianne gave her precious Baby Alex to her little sister.  Nora Beth has taken great care of her little "baby" and has never expressed great interest in getting more dolls.  Baby Alex has always made her happy.

I have come across this adorable Bamboletta Waldorf style doll.  There is something about her that just speaks to me.  She is handmade with such love.  I want to dress her up.  I want to knit little outfits for her.  I might even let Nora Beth play with her.  I can even get matching Zozobugbaby outfits for her to match Nora Beth's.  Calum might even need a little boy Bamboletta.

Is it crazy to want to play with dolls at my age?  Imagine the tea parties she would attend.  The wardrobe she would amass.  The bed I would make for her.  The hours of fun she would have at our house.  I will find a way for her to come to our house!

Privacy

I was hoping that it would not come to this, but recent events are forcing me to make a change with my blog.  I have not been posting much lately, for many reasons. 

First of all, I am barely keeping my head above the water with the girls softball schedules and chasing after Calum.  This is my last week of crazy schedule, having to be in three places at one time and balancing it all.  School and sports are coming to an end. 

Second, the blog is being spammed.  I have been receiving quite a bit of unwanted attention from not so scrupulous sources.  I have turned off my comments until the blog is privatized to avoid any future spamming.

Third, I am launching a new professional blog and I want to separate my personal life from my professional life.  Until I decide how much I want to blend the two together I want to keep thing separate.  Don't worry...I will soon post a link to the new blog/website.  Lots of great new things are in the works!!
 
Finally, I am feeling quite watched.  I know, I am the one putting myself out there, but that is not what I mean.  There are many voyeuristic elements of having a blog.  It is a way for others to see into our life and a way for me to document our life.  Unfortunately, this blog is being used as an avenue to find out what I am doing without being involved in our lives.  I am feeling very watched by a certain population and I have had to censor myself on what I really want to be saying.  I no longer want to be censored!!

I know who my regular readers are, and don't worry, you are still going to get your Up On Lavender Hill fix on a daily (ahem..semi regular)  basis.  You will just need to sign in with your e-mail address to access the blog.  I do not have e-mail addresses for all of you.  Please send me an e-mail at   stacelynne (at) comcast (dot) net so you can be included.  Do not assume that I have your e-mail address...send it to me anyways!  I hope this is not a permanent change and life will go back to my normal, under the radar, basis.

I will privatize the blog in one week.  So, send me your e-mail address if you want to be included.  I really do love my readers!!

A BIG Moment of Peace

After putting the girls to bed last night I went and pulled Calum out of his bed and brought him downstairs with me.  We just laid in bed and cuddled and nursed then fell asleep.  It was so wonderful to have that quiet time just with him.  My mind was not wandering, no mental talk happening.  Just fully present with him.  He is so cute when he sleeps.  Every time I moved, he would reach out just to make sure I was still right next to him.  We fell asleep together and the next thing I know, Lamar was walking in the room.  I was so happy to see Lamar, but sad that it was time to put Calum back in his bed.  Calum is growing so fast.  I want to have so many more of these moments with him.

The BIG "F" Word!

I had a much more appropriate post planned for today, but I must digress and just say the "F" word over and over.  That is the only word that I can really say right now.  There is a time when you are blindsided by information that floors you so much, the only thing you can say is IT.

F@#K.....F@#K..... F@#K.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am screaming it from the roof right now.  I want everyone to hear.  I want the world to wake up.  I want to put my arms around my friend.  I want to scream in unison with her.

For you, my dear friend, I am here.  I know you will appreciate my language, for I learned it from you.  Sometimes you just need to say the word when there is no other word that sums it up quite as well.  I am owning it.  I am saying it.  I am loving you.

F@#K.....F@#K..... F@#K.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My BIG Family Rant

This post has been a long time in the coming.  For those of you who know me personally on a daily basis, you know about this subject.  For me, it has been the big elephant in the room that I have been trying to ignore, but it just keeps getting bigger.  I can be quiet no longer.  I have to get this off my chest.

What is it about family relationships that are so difficult?  Why is it that the only thing a person may have in common with his/her family is genetics even though they come from the same place.  The nature vs. nurture argument.  Why is it you can do things to family members that would never be deemed acceptable in any other relationship?

I have mentioned in this blog before about our lack of family living in close proximity to us.  Well that is really not the truth.  My whole family lives within a 45 minute drive of my house, yet there are members that I have not seen or spoken to in years.

My family, like many others, has always had some level of dysfunction, but when it came down to it, they were there for each other.  This has changed over the years, most notably after the passing of my Grandmother.  Without the matriarch of this generation, the glue that holds us together is weaker.  We have all drifted away.  Gotten busy with our own families.

I was raised with a parent who was the "outcast" of the family.  Not willing to participate in any of the family activities.  I always hated this as a child.  I wanted to be involved.  I wanted to be surrounded by family.  I swore to myself as a child that I would always be around family.  Raise my children with a network of Aunts, Uncles and Cousins. 

Over the years, there have been several incidents that have poked holes in the family foundation.  No one person is to blame.  Words have been exchanged.  I have tried reaching out, inviting people over, mending fences, but only to have the door slammed in my face.  Not once has this ever been reciprocated.  I thought family was supposed to be there for each other, forgive and forget and move on.  Pride, insecurities and jealousy have trumped love.

I have children that my family has never met.  I have a child who has been greatly hurt by this.  Two children who have no idea that I even have a family.  I was hoping that by reaching out to family while I was pregnant that a positive step would be made.  Nope.  There has been no interest in change.  Life is to short for this kind of crap.  Yes, I said it... CRAP!!!

So, where does this leave me today.  Hurt, angry, confused, lost...and stronger.  Stronger in the fact that I am even more determined to create a positive network of "family" for my children.  I have been forced to seek out a "chosen" family to fill a void.  Forced to tell my children stories of those that have come before us, of a family that once was and to create a new future for my children.

Sweet Pleasure

What is it about diapers hanging on the line that just makes me smile?

Maybe, it is that they belong to the sweetest little boy ever!!

Recharge

Lamar and I have had very little alone time since Calum was born.  We are not complaining whatsoever, we know that this is what happens when you have a new baby.  Since I am nursing him, we are most definitely a package deal for quite some time.  The opportunity came up for us to get away for the night (22 hours to be exact) so we jumped on it!   We do not have family close to us who is willing to help out, so friends are our answer.  THANK YOU NICOLE!!!!

We decided to go to Portland for our time away.  We found a great Bed and Breakfast called Heron Haus in the Northwest neighborhood we wanted to be in (off NW 23rd).  The whole house was beautiful.  It was tucked in amongst other beautiful houses.  An amazing view of Portland.  Beautiful woodwork and furnishings.  Extremely comfortable and a house you just want to curl up in.

We had a dinner reservation at Urban Fondue.  One of the best parts of Urban Fondue is that it is next door to Bartini.  Fondue AND martinis...the making of a fantastic dinner!  We indulged in fantastic food and drinks, enjoyed our conversations and most importantly, were able to reconnect.

We eventually wandered back to the B & B.  We both slept so well.  We wanted to pack the bed up with us and bring it home.  We slept in to 8 AM.  Yes, I said SLEPT IN TO 8 AM!!  We wandered down stairs for our breakfast.  The food was delicious, at least I thought it was.  We were served a fruit salad with candied ginger yogurt, artichoke souffle, asparagus, green salad and cranberry scones.  Lamar was not impressed by the lack of bacon, but he did eat it all except the asparagus which I happily stole from his plate.

After breakfast we packed up and headed out to do some shopping before we went home.  I wanted to pick up a few things at Trader Joe"s and we both needed to do some shoe shopping.  Personal shopping is something that we both realize does not happen when we have kids in tow.  To actually be able to browse is a luxury.  Again, we enjoyed the time together until we realized that it was time to go home.

Upon arriving home, Calum was so excited to see me.  I am sure he was happy to see Lamar, but it was me that he really wanted.  I keep telling Lamar that if he would just lactate then Calum would feel the same about him! 

Everything went perfectly at home while we were away, just as we expected.  We are so grateful to Nicole for watching the kiddos for us.  We don't know what we would do without her.  It was really nice to get away, but it was also really nice to come home to all the hugs and smiles.

Mommy Nora Beth

I often wonder if the girls ever pay attention to the way I do things and what they will pass on to their children.  This morning, Nora Beth announced that Baby Alex was hungry, so she fed her.  This is obviously behavior that she sees me doing many times a day.  You are such a good mommy Nora Beth!