A Hug

I spent the day with my family today at the State Fair.  The kids were so excited to go around and see the rides, eat the food and pet the animals.  As parents, we just followed along while stuffing them with gastro-intestinal disasters while hoping to catch something interesting ourselves while they were momentarily occupied.

I was not expecting to see anyone that I knew.  Well, Salem is a small town, so I knew that I would see lots of people that I knew.  What I am talking about is someone who has really known me since I was a child, even from before I was born.  I don't have many people that can say that about me.  One little tap on the shoulder and I was greeted with a big hug from someone who KNOWS ME, knows my story, loves me.  A hug that I did not realize that I needed so much.  I was flooded with warm memories of a family I once had.  It felt so good to me to be in their presence.  To introduce them to my children.  Children that they knew existed, but did not know how to find me or if I even wanted to be found.

Shianne asked "Who was that?" when we walked away.  How do I explain this to her?  I realized in that moment that there is a whole part of my life that my children do not know.  They have no idea the people who are in my past.  The stories I can tell or that can be told about me.  I always think it is just easier to block out my story.  Easier for me and not fair to them.  It is often just to painful to tell them that they do have a family and why they have not met.  It is truly sad to know the disastrous condition that my family is in.  I could not even bring myself to tell the truth today.  But with that hug, I knew that I was loved.  I did not have to say anything, the truth was known.

We parted ways and I know that I will see them again in the near future.  This makes me really happy.  More hugs are to come.