The Birth

The Story of Calum's Birth

Cast:
Myself (Stacey, mom)
Lamar (Dad)
Shianne (Big Sister)
Nora Beth (Big Sister)
Pamela (Midwife)
Laura (Apprentice Midwife)
Amy (Doula, Friend)
Lora (Photographer, Friend)

On Tuesday afternoon I took the girls to the pool to meet with Lora and her kids. The weather was so hot and I was so uncomfortable that I was even willing to get in the pool myself. This is huge for me since I really dislike chlorinated pools. It felt so good to just float and chat. The kids played around us. It was also a good distraction for me since Lamar was already in Omaha. We headed home, made dinner and went to bed early.

I woke up around 1 AM to a very strong crampy feeling. I did not think much of it. Maybe I just over did it in the pool? I went back to sleep, but I kept waking up about every 15 minutes. By 3 AM I could no longer stand being in bed. I got up and messed around in the kitchen. I was not having contractions, just this crampy feeling and the inability to lay down. I gave Lamar a call. Remember that he is two hours ahead of me in Omaha. I knew that he would just be getting up to meet the family for breakfast. I knew that I was not in labor, but I just wanted to hear his voice. As soon as he heard me have one of the cramps, he was insistent that I call everyone over to the house. I think he heard something in my voice that I was not willing to admit.

There was no way I could be in labor. This is not how it was supposed to go. First of all, Lamar was supposed to be there. I was also going to labor at night, not in the morning. That is why I put all the candles in the bathroom. I was also not having "contractions," just this low, crampy feeling that was coming irregularly. Again, this was not going according to my plan, so there was no way that I was in labor.

I have said it before, so much of this pregnancy has been learning how to let go of control. This vision of labor was the last thing for me to let go of.

I was terrified of calling everyone over for this false labor, especially at this hour of the morning. I sent a text to Lora, but did not hear a response from her. I continued to straighten up the kitchen and fold laundry. The cramps kept coming. Lamar called back, very irritated that I had not listened to him and threatened to make the phone calls for me - he had all the numbers with him. I agreed to give Lora a call, not another text. This was his worst nightmare - me being at home alone in labor - just another stress for him on this already emotional day. For those of you who know Lamar well, you know that he does not like stress.

Lora answered the phone. I could literally hear her and Brad jump out of bed and stumble around their bedroom. Before I knew it, she was walking through my front door - still in her pj's, but camera in hand. I also gave Amy a call and she was going to rush right over. I do not remember if I gave Pamela a call or text, but she showed up with Laura shortly after Amy.

The birth team is here, minus Lamar, and I am still not convinced that this is it. Shianne hears the commotion going on and comes downstairs. She quickly realizes what is going on and does not want to be left out of the fun. Nora Beth also realized that there was something happening and wanders down the stairs - what a great way for her to wake up - a house full of people that will cater to her every whim!

I remember stepping out on the porch while everyone was on their way over. The sunrise was beautiful, the temperature just right. The sky was filling up with a rainbow of pinks and oranges. The sun would be peaking over the horizon soon. We went back into the house. I remember thinking that the neighbors were going to wake up and see all these cars in the driveway and know that something was happening. Great - more pressure on me for this false alarm of labor.

The cramps were getting more intense, but I felt like they were rather erratic. This sensation was nothing like what I had experienced with the girls. Just cramps, not the whole stomach and back contractions that I had had with the previous labors. Nothing was comfortable for me. Standing, sitting and walking were all wrong. I decided to get into the tub. Pamela and Laura had all their stuff set out and organized. I remember thinking that they were going through a lot of work, just to have to pack it all up for nothing.

At about 6:30 I got in the warm water. It felt so good. Very relaxing. So relaxing, that the cramps went away. I should have done this hours ago and saved everyone the trouble of coming over. I remember joking about this to Amy and Lora. After about a half hour, the cramps were back - with a vengeance. I felt my water break. I now admitted to myself that I was in labor. "I was having the baby and Lamar was not here!" was all I could think at that moment.

The girls kept coming into the bathroom to check on me. They were so calm and excited for what was about to happen. Nora Beth had her doll Princess Pinky to keep her calm and kept wanting Pamela to read her stories. Amy was pouring water down my back to keep me comfortable. This is what I wanted during Nora Beth's birth, it felt so good then, but this time it was different. It felt good, but not the complete relaxation that I had gotten before. Lora was busy taking pictures of everything that was happening. I was not aware of the camera's presence at all.

Pamela and Laura kept their distance - exactly what I wanted them to do. I knew that they were keeping an eye on me and that the less involved they were, the better my labor was doing. Laura checked on baby's heart tones a few times. I did not like this. It felt like I was being stabbed. All the intensity of the cramps would intensify where the Doppler was placed. It was only during those few moments that I thought that I could not do this.

I tried to relax as much as possible. What I was feeling was just so different. I tried to be mentally curious about what I was feeling. I remember thinking about what I tell parents in my classes....Be curious about the sensations...where do they start....stop.....what is your breath doing? I lost all track of time. I was in my own world. I remember chatting with everyone, but have no idea what those conversations were about.

I moved around in the tub. It is a good thing that it is so big. Nothing was really comfortable. I wanted to hold onto a rope from the ceiling, but no one would produce one for me. The cramps were so intense. They still did not feel like contractions - just intense low abdominal cramps. I remember thinking, probably out loud, that this is why people get pain medication. This was outside of my expectations, not going according to my plan and I did not know how long it was going to last.

Lora kept texting Lamar with updates. He was probably being the annoying person at the funeral who would not leave his cell phone alone. What a tough spot for him to be. Grieving with his family at a funeral while feeling the excitement of knowing that his son was about to be born.

A little after 9 AM I remember trying to bear down with the cramps. I did not have a feeling that I "had to push" but more of a curiosity of what would happen if I did this. I was not pushing hard, just grunting. I had this need to be in a more upright position, but I could not find one that I liked. I still felt like he was really high up in my pelvis. Nora Beth was sitting on the edge of the tub. She really wanted to be in the tub when her brother was born. She ended up getting out and sitting on the floor in front of me.

I got on my knees and leaned over the side of the tub and held onto Amy's hands for counter pressure. As soon as I tilted my pelvis I felt him just drop down into my pelvis. All of a sudden he was on his way out. It was so intense. I had the birthing stool placed into the tub hoping it would take the pressure off of my knees. It was not really comfortable, but nothing was. Where was that rope hanging from the ceiling that I wanted!

I felt like I was screaming with each of these cramps that were coming. Nora Beth got scared of the noises I was making, but Pam was there to calm her. I could not attend to her at this moment, I HAD to get him out of me. Lora called Lamar and put him on speaker phone so he could hear his son being born. I later learned that he was attending the Interment of his nephew at this moment. What a contradiction of life. A burial and a birth at the same time.

There was so much time between the cramps. Why couldn't they get closer together. I was motivated. I was being ripped apart. Another one came. I pushed like I never knew I could. His head was out, or so I thought. Only halfway out. How big was he going to be? The head just kept coming. It seemed unreal to reach down and feel him. I could feel him adjusting himself to get the rest of the body out. Like a floppy fish in my stomach. All of a sudden his shoulders were out and then the rest of his body. Relief! Pamela helped me bring him up. So unreal to have him in my arms. He was here. I was so happy.

I could hear Lamar on the phone worried about why he was not crying. I could tell he was OK, he just needed a moment to adjust to what he had been through. Heck, I needed a moment! It was not long until he perked right up and let us know that he had arrived. It felt so good to have him in my arms. The girls were so excited to see him here. His warm, vernix covered body was so hard to hold on to. He was so big!

The next little bit was just busy work. Pamela took him from me, Shianne cut the cord and then cuddled with him while Pamela and Laura attended to me and got me out of the tub and into bed. I had a bit of a bleeding issue again, but no where near what it was like with Nora Beth. I just wanted to get into bed and cuddle with my baby.

I finally got into bed and was able to cuddle with him. The newborn exam was done. Everyone was so surprised to find out his size. I grew a big, healthy baby.

I am so grateful to everyone who was here with me. It all worked out the way it was supposed to. I really wanted Lamar there, but I knew that he would be home tomorrow. Lora spent the rest of the day and night with me until Lamar could make it home. Amy, Pamela and Laura left. What a whirlwind of a morning.


The following is a collection of photos from the birth. It is about a 3 minute slide show. Enjoy.